Okay, so I'm probably going to get in trouble for this post. That's okay. You are welcome to leave me a comment about how wrong I am, I'm tough, I can take it. Or if you don't like it just scroll on passed and don't read it. It's amazing how that works these days! Am I right?
Anyway, the other day when I was shuttling my kids around. My 5YO said something that startled me. Okay back up a bit. I have to admit...I was complaining a bit under my breath about something their father forgot to do. I don't remember what it was that he forgot, so I guess it wasn't super important. However in my mind, it must have been at the time, (not really). Anyway, what startled me is when my 5YO said, "Yeah momma! Daddy doesn't DO anything! All he does is mow the lawn, and THAT'S ALL! YOU do everything else!!!" This statement from her broke my heart. Why? Because she is getting that idea from me! I mean who else is giving her thoughts like that!? There is no self righteous stay at home mommy fairy whispering in her ear after all!
Here is the part I'm going to get in trouble for. As stay at home parents, we tend to get a little sanctimonious don't we? I mean lets admit it! I read articles upon articles about how hard it is to be a stay at home parent. Matter of fact an article I just finished reading centered on the idea of how a messy and chaotic house is perfectly okay for the stay at home parent. You know, because we are so busy! Well, I'm crying foul! I'm crying foul on that idea as well as the idea of our spouses having it so easy since they work outside the house!
Now come on, lets be real here. BOTH jobs are hard. But do you know what's hard? When you work 8 to 10 hours a day outside the home. Your performance decides whether you can make your house payment, car payment, buy clothes, gas, groceries and all of the other necessities for your family. You may even work in a place that is hot year around so you are sweating all day. And your job may be physically hard leading to hurt and sore muscles. Also, you have to deal with adult style politics in the work place. THEN after working your 8 to 10 hour shift you come home to a messy house, messy and screaming children. You come home to a spouse who is complaining about how hard their day was. All you want to do is get a moment to yourself to wind down! But you can't because there is a huge pile of laundry on your bed, or on the couch, and you step on a stray lego on your way there. To top it all off your spouse has a list of things ready to go for you to help out with around the house.
In my humble opinion, that's not even a fair scenario. Yet stay at home parents are writing articles and blogs trumpeting about how hard it all is! How everyone looks down on us! And how people including our work outside the home spouses need to just get OVER it! Our jobs are HARD! HARD! HARD!
Well, you know what?!?! As stay at home parents WE need to get over ourselves! When our work outside the home spouses get home, we need to make it part of our job to provide a soothing environment for them. It's okay to ask for equal rights, but extra rights in this marriage partnership? Don't even pretend it's okay.
Back to my 5YO. I explained to her about how her daddy contributes each day to our family, and how we need to appreciate it. Daddy works hard for us to make sure we have everything we need and many things we want. I stressed how what daddy does is incredibly important and worthwhile. I also learned that I need to be more positive in front of the children even when I'm frustrated. It's my job to make sure they know that their daddy works very hard outside and inside our home.
I also need to give credit to my husband more often! He works hard at a very stressful job, yet his girls never see his frustration! Yes! He deserves a quiet, clean, peaceful environment to relax in for a bit before he spends time with his girls. So you know what? I'm going to go fold and put away that load of laundry I just dumped on the bed. I'm also going to check the floor for stray legos. Then I'm going to wipe my children's faces, get dinner started, and pick up a bit. Daddy will be home in about 20 minutes.
P.S. If you are a stay at home parent who is overwhelmed and living in chaos, I can direct you to some great tools to help! Just let me know :-)
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
UGH! Cat Calls and Mom Vans...
Hi, you know what? I used to be cute. I mean REALLY cute! I used to wear quite stylish clothes and high heels. I used to do my hair, and makeup each day. I USED to even get compliments. I hate to admit it, but when I would walk down the street, construction workers would cat call. It used to disgust me when they would do that, I would think "ewwwwww SO GROSS! Don't they know I'm a human being who deserves to walk down the street without getting cat called?!?!" Nowadays when I walk down the street passed a construction site I hear crickets...or worse, if those construction workers are eating their lunch and happen to be sitting in my way, they move and say...are you ready for this? (sigh) They say, "Excuse us Ma'am." MA'AM?!?!?!?! I mean the NERVE!
The truth is, I'm a married mom of two little girls in my 40's who drives a mom van. I'm lucky if I get a shower without interruption. Going to the bathroom completely by myself is a good day! I choose sweats over skirts and gym shoes over heels. Not that I don't dress up periodically, but lets face it, doing laundry and playing outside with children while they are accidentally smearing peanut butter all over your blouse is not exactly conducive to 4 inch heels.You know what? I'm okay with it. My husband is okay with it. I could be in sweats and an old sweatshirt and he still loves me.
I know, I know, there are many of you who talk about "ME TIME." "You need some 'ME TIME' lady! You need to go out, have fun, take time out for yourself." Truth is, for me that is wrong! It's not about me anymore. I lived those days. They were great! A lot of fun and good experiences. I want to hang out with my girls and my spouse. I can take a break when the girls are at school or in bed. I will get "ME TIME" again when my girls move away and start their own families. I'll have plenty of time to recharge when that day comes. I don't want to look back and remember missing a moment in my children's lives because I was busy taking time for myself. It's not about me anymore. Often my lack of stylish clothing and shoes is because I'm busy spending my money on my kids, or investing it in my house. My priorities have changed and I own that. It works for me and I'm content and happy.
When you see me out running errands with my hair a mess, my favorite and most comfortable sweat shirt, sweat pants, and gym shoes on. Know that I'm happy this way. Maybe toss me a cat call or two. I will look at you with a heaping amount of indignation but on the inside I will be smiling.
The truth is, I'm a married mom of two little girls in my 40's who drives a mom van. I'm lucky if I get a shower without interruption. Going to the bathroom completely by myself is a good day! I choose sweats over skirts and gym shoes over heels. Not that I don't dress up periodically, but lets face it, doing laundry and playing outside with children while they are accidentally smearing peanut butter all over your blouse is not exactly conducive to 4 inch heels.You know what? I'm okay with it. My husband is okay with it. I could be in sweats and an old sweatshirt and he still loves me.
I know, I know, there are many of you who talk about "ME TIME." "You need some 'ME TIME' lady! You need to go out, have fun, take time out for yourself." Truth is, for me that is wrong! It's not about me anymore. I lived those days. They were great! A lot of fun and good experiences. I want to hang out with my girls and my spouse. I can take a break when the girls are at school or in bed. I will get "ME TIME" again when my girls move away and start their own families. I'll have plenty of time to recharge when that day comes. I don't want to look back and remember missing a moment in my children's lives because I was busy taking time for myself. It's not about me anymore. Often my lack of stylish clothing and shoes is because I'm busy spending my money on my kids, or investing it in my house. My priorities have changed and I own that. It works for me and I'm content and happy.
When you see me out running errands with my hair a mess, my favorite and most comfortable sweat shirt, sweat pants, and gym shoes on. Know that I'm happy this way. Maybe toss me a cat call or two. I will look at you with a heaping amount of indignation but on the inside I will be smiling.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Peanut Butter Sandwiches And Dusting, Just a Few Of My Favorite Things!
Anthropologists claim that we retain no memories from before the age of 4 or 5. I suppose that makes sense. Our brains are finite organs after all, constantly choosing what to retain and not to retain. I remember certain things like waking up in my crib with a stuffy nose and my mom coming in to help me breath more freely. I remember my older brother teaching me how to read and write the word "Sandy." Why "Sandy?" The musical "Grease" was my favorite, and I loved the lead character. I remember moving into the house I would grow up in and having my 5th birthday there. I remember bits and pieces of school, my teachers, things my family and I did together. It's interesting what we remember. What exists in our world and what we hang onto through life. When people are always "there" we take them for granted. We feel like they will always be there in a way that we can reach out and touch them.
That's simply not the case. I don't mean to sound morbid, but it's not. People say, "cherish your loved ones, they won't be there forever." Do we do that, really? In between laundry, cooking, being a wife, a momma, volunteering at school and church, AND careers. Are we really taking the time to cherish all of the loved ones in our lives?
What does that have to do with "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting," you ask? Great question! A few of the people who inhabit my most earliest of memories are my grandparents. My Nana, and Papaw, my dad's parents. And Grandma, and Grandpa, my mom's parents. They were all wonderful people, admirable people. They lived wonderful lives, raised their families, went on vacation, loved on their grandchildren. They were always there. As I sit here typing this, it is without them. They are gone. I can no longer call them, I can't go see them. They have passed on. I am a "grand orphan." I have memories, but some are fading. I look back at having to visit my grandparents in my twenties, and remember it being a "duty." I confess, I miss it. I miss watching as my grandpa took apart and put together a tool. I miss my grandma reading the paper and giggling at grandpa. I miss watching my Papaw watch golf on T.V. and give my Nana a hard time. I miss taking my Nana to Bingo, and sneaking chocolate milk shakes into the house when she really wasn't supposed to have them. As I look back on those times, I just want more time with them. I suppose that would be my advice. Instead of "cherish" those you love. "Spend time" with those you love. I know it's hard with life and obligation, but it's important.
Why "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting?" One of my earliest memories is going to my grandma's house after preschool. She would take care of me while my mom was working. Grandma was always so much fun. She had wonderful stories of when she was a girl, and I loved listening to her. We would play dominoes, take walks, and talk. Always at lunch time she would ask what I wanted to eat. "Peanut Butter and Jelly" please. "Again?" she would say? "You are going to turn into a "peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" When she began to slip into dementia, she always remembered that story. She loved telling it, and I loved hearing it over and over again. When I would leave her she would say, "come give me some sugar." For those of you who don't know, "sugar" is "kisses." If only we could keep those kisses stored up! Always gentle and kind. As she slipped deeper into her dementia, she changed, but the memories of my childhood will always be how I remember her.
When she passed on, my mom gave me my grandparent's dresser set. My grandparents were very frugal and budget minded people. I know that they saved up and bought those dressers with their hard earned money. I also know that they took care of them well. I remember my grandma dusting them and sometimes she would let me help. Nowadays I hate to dust. It is my least favorite chore. I've had to put myself on a "dusting" schedule so that dust bunnies won't have to start paying rent! My inherited dressers may not be the most stylish or modern. BUT when I polish them, I remember my grandma. I can hear her stories, smell her perfume, and watch her paint her nails. I simply don't want to change a single thing about them! They are mine and they are hers! They remind me of days gone by, and in those moments of reflection I am cherishing the time I was able to spend with her. I am only regretful that I didn't spend MORE time. Each time I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I wonder if I really will turn into one, and every time I dust...I smile.
That's simply not the case. I don't mean to sound morbid, but it's not. People say, "cherish your loved ones, they won't be there forever." Do we do that, really? In between laundry, cooking, being a wife, a momma, volunteering at school and church, AND careers. Are we really taking the time to cherish all of the loved ones in our lives?
What does that have to do with "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting," you ask? Great question! A few of the people who inhabit my most earliest of memories are my grandparents. My Nana, and Papaw, my dad's parents. And Grandma, and Grandpa, my mom's parents. They were all wonderful people, admirable people. They lived wonderful lives, raised their families, went on vacation, loved on their grandchildren. They were always there. As I sit here typing this, it is without them. They are gone. I can no longer call them, I can't go see them. They have passed on. I am a "grand orphan." I have memories, but some are fading. I look back at having to visit my grandparents in my twenties, and remember it being a "duty." I confess, I miss it. I miss watching as my grandpa took apart and put together a tool. I miss my grandma reading the paper and giggling at grandpa. I miss watching my Papaw watch golf on T.V. and give my Nana a hard time. I miss taking my Nana to Bingo, and sneaking chocolate milk shakes into the house when she really wasn't supposed to have them. As I look back on those times, I just want more time with them. I suppose that would be my advice. Instead of "cherish" those you love. "Spend time" with those you love. I know it's hard with life and obligation, but it's important.
Why "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting?" One of my earliest memories is going to my grandma's house after preschool. She would take care of me while my mom was working. Grandma was always so much fun. She had wonderful stories of when she was a girl, and I loved listening to her. We would play dominoes, take walks, and talk. Always at lunch time she would ask what I wanted to eat. "Peanut Butter and Jelly" please. "Again?" she would say? "You are going to turn into a "peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" When she began to slip into dementia, she always remembered that story. She loved telling it, and I loved hearing it over and over again. When I would leave her she would say, "come give me some sugar." For those of you who don't know, "sugar" is "kisses." If only we could keep those kisses stored up! Always gentle and kind. As she slipped deeper into her dementia, she changed, but the memories of my childhood will always be how I remember her.
When she passed on, my mom gave me my grandparent's dresser set. My grandparents were very frugal and budget minded people. I know that they saved up and bought those dressers with their hard earned money. I also know that they took care of them well. I remember my grandma dusting them and sometimes she would let me help. Nowadays I hate to dust. It is my least favorite chore. I've had to put myself on a "dusting" schedule so that dust bunnies won't have to start paying rent! My inherited dressers may not be the most stylish or modern. BUT when I polish them, I remember my grandma. I can hear her stories, smell her perfume, and watch her paint her nails. I simply don't want to change a single thing about them! They are mine and they are hers! They remind me of days gone by, and in those moments of reflection I am cherishing the time I was able to spend with her. I am only regretful that I didn't spend MORE time. Each time I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I wonder if I really will turn into one, and every time I dust...I smile.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Yes, I Am Still Here
Wow, five years!?!?! How has it been FIVE years since my last post? I am an awful, terrible, despicable blogger. I should be imprisoned and forever banned from the internet for denying my 2 followers my golden nuggets of thought and wisdom! (Hi mom). Anyway, now that THAT is finally out of the way, we can move on. What have I been doing for 1/2 a decade? Well, I've been doing life. The last time I posted I had a 2 year old and a baby. Now my baby is 5...almost 6. My 2 year old is in the second grade. Life is moving along. No more diapers (boo...that's right it makes me sad). We still have blankies, thank goodness! Our dog Oscar who I posted about is now over the rainbow bridge. Even though he was "just a dog," I miss him something terrible. Especially his ability to clean up little crumbs from my floor. Yes, in five years, life has changed...it has also stayed the same. I am here, life is good and I am blessed.
I landed my dream job of teaching voice lessons at a local arts school. I LOVE it! Yes it's work. It's challenging, but I love every second. I still get to be a stay at home mommy because my outside job is only for 15 hours a week. I actually get the best of both worlds. I have my two biological children, then I have my many students. I LOVE them! I care about their future! They are a part of the tapestry of my life. I get the extreme privilege of teaching my students an art that I am passionate about. They mostly appreciate it. I get great fulfillment from it. Perhaps as the girls get older I will expand to a collegiate level of teaching. I don't know...we'll see.
I am also singing again...like professionally, and getting paid and stuff. That's pretty great as well!
The past 5 years have been full of trials, triumphs, joy and sadness. I lost my grandma, which was hard. I will talk about that more in another entry. I'm still here...absorbing it all. Singing through life, enjoying my husband and my kids...all of them. It's an adventure as I look back on it. Some would say my life is mundane. Maybe I would even claim a mundane existence. But as I look at it through my computer screen, it really IS a great adventure.
There is more to come...
I landed my dream job of teaching voice lessons at a local arts school. I LOVE it! Yes it's work. It's challenging, but I love every second. I still get to be a stay at home mommy because my outside job is only for 15 hours a week. I actually get the best of both worlds. I have my two biological children, then I have my many students. I LOVE them! I care about their future! They are a part of the tapestry of my life. I get the extreme privilege of teaching my students an art that I am passionate about. They mostly appreciate it. I get great fulfillment from it. Perhaps as the girls get older I will expand to a collegiate level of teaching. I don't know...we'll see.
I am also singing again...like professionally, and getting paid and stuff. That's pretty great as well!
The past 5 years have been full of trials, triumphs, joy and sadness. I lost my grandma, which was hard. I will talk about that more in another entry. I'm still here...absorbing it all. Singing through life, enjoying my husband and my kids...all of them. It's an adventure as I look back on it. Some would say my life is mundane. Maybe I would even claim a mundane existence. But as I look at it through my computer screen, it really IS a great adventure.
There is more to come...
Friday, March 18, 2011
Just A Dog
I love animals. I have always been a huge animal lover! I grew up with dogs, and as a result they are my favorite pet. My husband and I were married a year when we adopted our dog Oscar. He’s a mutt… and really a very good dog. He’s friendly and good with the kids. We used to cuddle with him, pet him. He was the sole recipient of our attention. When we would go on trips we would routinely take him with us. If we stayed at a hotel, it had to be an animal friendly hotel, or they would NOT get our business! He was our “baby,” after all!
I say “baby,” because well….things have changed. When I became pregnant with my first precious treasure, my mom said, “Now that dog will be just a dog.” I didn’t believe her, of course. Even though I had other people, including my two sisters-in-law tell me the exact same thing, I still didn’t believe this could ever happen. In my smugness, I thought, “how could you?!?!” I could never imagine a scenario where my Oscar would be “just a dog.” I knew that things would not be the same, but “just a dog?” NEVER!
Then it happened, my first daughter was born. Yes, you guessed it…and Oscar became “just a dog.” Not only is he now “just a dog,” but he is, I hate to say it…a nuisance. I know, you animal lovers are out there thinking, “Did she just call her dog a nuisance? What a horrible person!” Before you call PETA, let me explain…I still love my dog. I think he’s sweet, he’s a really great dog overall. BUT that’s it! That’s where it ends! He doesn’t go on trips with us anymore, and he doesn’t get all of our attention anymore. Matter of fact, he gets the bare minimum of our attention. We’ve got children now for goodness sakes! Honestly, these days he’s just another thing I have to take care of!
He also makes my job of being a stay at home mom a little more difficult. How would you feel if you had just worked to get your baby to sleep, and the dog barks at the mailman and wakes her up? And let’s not even talk about the shedding hair all over my house. I literally have to vacuum every other day, JUST to keep up with the dog hair! He’s also under my feet constantly, when I’m making dinner, cleaning house, or carrying a baby down the stairs! It’s downright annoying!
Although Oscar’s stock has gone down considerably since our babies were born, his life is not all that terrible. He greatly enjoys when my 2 year old eats popcorn. He follows behind her like…well…a dog. Now that my 10 month old is starting with finger foods, he’s in doggy heaven! He’s also kind of a loner. We never knew before, because we always showered him with attention. He kind of prefers to be on his own. He’s also, my baby monitor. If something is wrong with one of the girls, he always comes and gets me. He stares at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes, as if to say, “Hurry up human, one of the little ones is crying!” Now if only he would stop barking and shedding, I would be in mommy heaven!
I say “baby,” because well….things have changed. When I became pregnant with my first precious treasure, my mom said, “Now that dog will be just a dog.” I didn’t believe her, of course. Even though I had other people, including my two sisters-in-law tell me the exact same thing, I still didn’t believe this could ever happen. In my smugness, I thought, “how could you?!?!” I could never imagine a scenario where my Oscar would be “just a dog.” I knew that things would not be the same, but “just a dog?” NEVER!
Then it happened, my first daughter was born. Yes, you guessed it…and Oscar became “just a dog.” Not only is he now “just a dog,” but he is, I hate to say it…a nuisance. I know, you animal lovers are out there thinking, “Did she just call her dog a nuisance? What a horrible person!” Before you call PETA, let me explain…I still love my dog. I think he’s sweet, he’s a really great dog overall. BUT that’s it! That’s where it ends! He doesn’t go on trips with us anymore, and he doesn’t get all of our attention anymore. Matter of fact, he gets the bare minimum of our attention. We’ve got children now for goodness sakes! Honestly, these days he’s just another thing I have to take care of!
He also makes my job of being a stay at home mom a little more difficult. How would you feel if you had just worked to get your baby to sleep, and the dog barks at the mailman and wakes her up? And let’s not even talk about the shedding hair all over my house. I literally have to vacuum every other day, JUST to keep up with the dog hair! He’s also under my feet constantly, when I’m making dinner, cleaning house, or carrying a baby down the stairs! It’s downright annoying!
Although Oscar’s stock has gone down considerably since our babies were born, his life is not all that terrible. He greatly enjoys when my 2 year old eats popcorn. He follows behind her like…well…a dog. Now that my 10 month old is starting with finger foods, he’s in doggy heaven! He’s also kind of a loner. We never knew before, because we always showered him with attention. He kind of prefers to be on his own. He’s also, my baby monitor. If something is wrong with one of the girls, he always comes and gets me. He stares at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes, as if to say, “Hurry up human, one of the little ones is crying!” Now if only he would stop barking and shedding, I would be in mommy heaven!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Hello?!?! Can Anyone Hear Me?
I suppose politically, I lean a bit to the right. Okay...okay, I admit in most things I lean a lot to the right. But believe it or not, in a few things I bend a little tiny bit to the left. Despite my political leanings I would consider myself an open minded individual. By "open minded" I mean that I'm at least willing to listen and consider the opposing view. I try to wait to form my conclusions until I have considered both sides of an argument.
I think what bothers me these days is that it seems no one on either side is listening to each other. Both sides do a lot of talking, they obviously hear each other, but are they LISTENING? In my life experience, I have learned that wisdom and truth can be gleaned from both sides of an argument. So, why don’t we listen to each other?! It seems that we can’t be friends if we fall on the wrong side of “the aisle.” I find this notion ridiculous! If I disagree with someone on an issue, or candidate, does this mean we can’t be friends? Call me idealistic, but I feel that we are all more alike then different. We are daughters, sons, moms, dads, sisters, and brothers. As passionate as I feel about something, and how right I believe I am; frankly a person who has a differing opinion is just as passionate, and believes firmly that they are right. Isn't it worth something to find common ground with the opposition? Are we going to get anything solved by forming our retort, while the other side is making their case?
Here is my point: We need to see each other as fellow human beings first. We all have opinions, and each opinion is worth listening too, even if we can never change each other’s minds. At least consider the other person’s viewpoint, and entertain the thought that you may be wrong. Debate issues respectfully without being insulting. Isn’t that what we all deserve? Even if you disagree with me, I just want to be heard. Truly hearing each other, listening, and having respectful debates is really the only way we will ever be able to move our country forward. I’m sure we can all agree on that!
I think what bothers me these days is that it seems no one on either side is listening to each other. Both sides do a lot of talking, they obviously hear each other, but are they LISTENING? In my life experience, I have learned that wisdom and truth can be gleaned from both sides of an argument. So, why don’t we listen to each other?! It seems that we can’t be friends if we fall on the wrong side of “the aisle.” I find this notion ridiculous! If I disagree with someone on an issue, or candidate, does this mean we can’t be friends? Call me idealistic, but I feel that we are all more alike then different. We are daughters, sons, moms, dads, sisters, and brothers. As passionate as I feel about something, and how right I believe I am; frankly a person who has a differing opinion is just as passionate, and believes firmly that they are right. Isn't it worth something to find common ground with the opposition? Are we going to get anything solved by forming our retort, while the other side is making their case?
Here is my point: We need to see each other as fellow human beings first. We all have opinions, and each opinion is worth listening too, even if we can never change each other’s minds. At least consider the other person’s viewpoint, and entertain the thought that you may be wrong. Debate issues respectfully without being insulting. Isn’t that what we all deserve? Even if you disagree with me, I just want to be heard. Truly hearing each other, listening, and having respectful debates is really the only way we will ever be able to move our country forward. I’m sure we can all agree on that!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Toto, I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore
Let me start out by saying I never thought I would be where I am in life right now. Often I wonder, how did I get here? I've never been one to make plans, no, it's not in my personality to be a planner. I always sort of "fall" into things. While this allows for a laid back, and "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of personality, it also lacks focus. I have always admired people who know exactly what they want to do. They set up goals to reach their final goal, and they do it, they make it! I have never really "known" who I was as an individual. As a child I dreamed of being famous...but that's not a career goal is it? I guess these days it is with reality t.v. and all, but that's a topic for another entry. Unlike most children, I never dreamed of being a firefighter, a teacher, a nurse, or doctor. I just wanted to be famous. Again, not a focused career track.
I graduated high school..of course, then I went to college. Why? because that's what you are "supposed to do." I loved college. For a social butterfly, college is a dream. I ended up studying music education. I loved music, I had a decent voice, but I was not an outstanding musician. Also, I discovered that there was only one required math class with this degree...so why not? I stuck with it and eventually graduated. After I graduated I landed a job in my degree field. At the time, I could not fathom how fortunate I was, because I hated it! I don't think I hated my job...I just hated adult responsibility. I worked for a year, then quit my job to go to graduate school. Why? because I had a new focus...I was going to be a famous Opera singer. I mean...that's not hard is it? Well I tried, and I was focused probably for the first time in my life. I had talent, and was doing well, meeting people, networking...etc. I graduated from grad school, and started my new life with focus. Sadly, I either wasn't driven enough, or perhaps not rich enough. You see, I had to work to begin to pay off my "journey" to this point. Not to mention, plane fair, opera training programs, lessons, coachings, head shots...etc. It's expensive to be famous and special doggonit!!!!
During this time in my life I was working as a substitute to support my opera habit, auditioning, and planning to move to New York City. I had moved back in with my parents in order to save money to make my big move. Please understand, I never thought I would be back in my home town. When I moved away from home, I honestly never thought I would permanently be back in the very town I grew up. I always imagined showing up to my 20th high school reunion in my big stretch limo. I imagined coming back a success, famous, someone special.
As young single people tend to do, I began dating. One of those people I dated was my husband...er a man, who would later become my husband. and guess where he was from? You guessed it, right here in my home town! When we married, I didn't give up on my opera career right away, my husband was very supportive actually. We tried for awhile, but nothing was happening. I never got a break, or a role that I could justify spending all of the money I was spending for. I guess I gave up gradually, over time. I simply let it fade into the background of my newly settled life. I landed a church staff job at my home church, and was content. I loved my job, and found it quite fulfilling. What surprised me the most is that I found the most joy in the mundane. The work that happens behind the scenes. I still enjoyed singing solos, etc...but I loved the mechanics of putting a service together! Again, you can see how I just tend to "fall" into things.
Well, then it happened. I woke up one morning feeling "strange." My abdomen was tight, and I had chronic mild nausea. UH OH! Yep, you guessed it...preggers! At first I was filled with emotions that I never knew existed. Fear, anxiety, then it hit me...sadness. Yes I will admit it...sadness. I knew at that very moment, that an opera career was just not in the cards for me. Not that I was any closer to my goal before I got pregnant, but I guess it was a mindset thing...symbolic if you will. I was never going to be the person I was before that pregnancy test came back positive...this was a huge change, NO going back. I guess I still entertained some thoughts of singing for a living still. This was the most concrete "sign" that days of living for myself were officially over.
After a wonderful and easy pregnancy, our first precious treasure was born. I knew when I looked into her face for the first time that this is where I was supposed to be! Who would have guessed that I would have found such fulfillment in being a mommy! For the first time in my life, I had found focus. I knew that I had found clear purpose. When our daughter turned one, my husband and I began to discuss the possibility of me resigning my church job, and becoming a stay at home mom. What?!?!?! I didn't want to quit and not work! I have always worked, and in general enjoyed working! I'm a social butterfly, so I love the social aspects of working. Plus my fear was (and is) if I decide to return to work, how do I explain this huge hole in my work history? After many months of talking, praying, praying, and talking, I tendered my resignation. No more deadlines, no more lunches out with my husband, or co-workers. I was officially where I never thought I would be. A stay at home mom...or "sahm" as we say in the "industry."
As I said previously, I did not come to this decision lightly at all. Please understand, I was content being single, then I was content just being married. For me, before my first baby was born, it was like I was walking through my life, and it was good, but it was black and white. I never knew there was anything wrong with black and white, because black and white was fine. Then having a child, I was thrust into a technicolor world. Just like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz." Things became clearer. And what was clear to me at the time, was staying at home and being a mom was the best thing...not for me, but for our little girl. This is the sacrifice I am making right now, for my little ones, and I know it's right. A month after I resigned my position I became pregnant with our second precious treasure. She was born about three weeks before our first daughter's second birthday.
Sometimes I wonder about another path I could have taken, and where I would be right now. I imagine I would be in my loft on the upper east side of NYC. It would be completely decorated with Ikea furniture and accessories. I would be having posh dinner parties with all of my cast mates of the current opera I was starring in. Picnics in central park, coffee at my local coffee shop, friendly banter with my doorman. It sounds dreamy doesn't it? Sadly that path does not include my two most precious treasures, so those dreams and thoughts are fleeting flights of fancy. I may not always know what day it is, I may not be a household name, I may not be anything special. I am just an average mommy, and no one will ever remember me except for my children and grandchildren. I suppose I am happier being a mommy in a technicolor world, rather than someone special in a black and white world.
I graduated high school..of course, then I went to college. Why? because that's what you are "supposed to do." I loved college. For a social butterfly, college is a dream. I ended up studying music education. I loved music, I had a decent voice, but I was not an outstanding musician. Also, I discovered that there was only one required math class with this degree...so why not? I stuck with it and eventually graduated. After I graduated I landed a job in my degree field. At the time, I could not fathom how fortunate I was, because I hated it! I don't think I hated my job...I just hated adult responsibility. I worked for a year, then quit my job to go to graduate school. Why? because I had a new focus...I was going to be a famous Opera singer. I mean...that's not hard is it? Well I tried, and I was focused probably for the first time in my life. I had talent, and was doing well, meeting people, networking...etc. I graduated from grad school, and started my new life with focus. Sadly, I either wasn't driven enough, or perhaps not rich enough. You see, I had to work to begin to pay off my "journey" to this point. Not to mention, plane fair, opera training programs, lessons, coachings, head shots...etc. It's expensive to be famous and special doggonit!!!!
During this time in my life I was working as a substitute to support my opera habit, auditioning, and planning to move to New York City. I had moved back in with my parents in order to save money to make my big move. Please understand, I never thought I would be back in my home town. When I moved away from home, I honestly never thought I would permanently be back in the very town I grew up. I always imagined showing up to my 20th high school reunion in my big stretch limo. I imagined coming back a success, famous, someone special.
As young single people tend to do, I began dating. One of those people I dated was my husband...er a man, who would later become my husband. and guess where he was from? You guessed it, right here in my home town! When we married, I didn't give up on my opera career right away, my husband was very supportive actually. We tried for awhile, but nothing was happening. I never got a break, or a role that I could justify spending all of the money I was spending for. I guess I gave up gradually, over time. I simply let it fade into the background of my newly settled life. I landed a church staff job at my home church, and was content. I loved my job, and found it quite fulfilling. What surprised me the most is that I found the most joy in the mundane. The work that happens behind the scenes. I still enjoyed singing solos, etc...but I loved the mechanics of putting a service together! Again, you can see how I just tend to "fall" into things.
Well, then it happened. I woke up one morning feeling "strange." My abdomen was tight, and I had chronic mild nausea. UH OH! Yep, you guessed it...preggers! At first I was filled with emotions that I never knew existed. Fear, anxiety, then it hit me...sadness. Yes I will admit it...sadness. I knew at that very moment, that an opera career was just not in the cards for me. Not that I was any closer to my goal before I got pregnant, but I guess it was a mindset thing...symbolic if you will. I was never going to be the person I was before that pregnancy test came back positive...this was a huge change, NO going back. I guess I still entertained some thoughts of singing for a living still. This was the most concrete "sign" that days of living for myself were officially over.
After a wonderful and easy pregnancy, our first precious treasure was born. I knew when I looked into her face for the first time that this is where I was supposed to be! Who would have guessed that I would have found such fulfillment in being a mommy! For the first time in my life, I had found focus. I knew that I had found clear purpose. When our daughter turned one, my husband and I began to discuss the possibility of me resigning my church job, and becoming a stay at home mom. What?!?!?! I didn't want to quit and not work! I have always worked, and in general enjoyed working! I'm a social butterfly, so I love the social aspects of working. Plus my fear was (and is) if I decide to return to work, how do I explain this huge hole in my work history? After many months of talking, praying, praying, and talking, I tendered my resignation. No more deadlines, no more lunches out with my husband, or co-workers. I was officially where I never thought I would be. A stay at home mom...or "sahm" as we say in the "industry."
As I said previously, I did not come to this decision lightly at all. Please understand, I was content being single, then I was content just being married. For me, before my first baby was born, it was like I was walking through my life, and it was good, but it was black and white. I never knew there was anything wrong with black and white, because black and white was fine. Then having a child, I was thrust into a technicolor world. Just like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz." Things became clearer. And what was clear to me at the time, was staying at home and being a mom was the best thing...not for me, but for our little girl. This is the sacrifice I am making right now, for my little ones, and I know it's right. A month after I resigned my position I became pregnant with our second precious treasure. She was born about three weeks before our first daughter's second birthday.
Sometimes I wonder about another path I could have taken, and where I would be right now. I imagine I would be in my loft on the upper east side of NYC. It would be completely decorated with Ikea furniture and accessories. I would be having posh dinner parties with all of my cast mates of the current opera I was starring in. Picnics in central park, coffee at my local coffee shop, friendly banter with my doorman. It sounds dreamy doesn't it? Sadly that path does not include my two most precious treasures, so those dreams and thoughts are fleeting flights of fancy. I may not always know what day it is, I may not be a household name, I may not be anything special. I am just an average mommy, and no one will ever remember me except for my children and grandchildren. I suppose I am happier being a mommy in a technicolor world, rather than someone special in a black and white world.
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