Anthropologists claim that we retain no memories from before the age of 4 or 5. I suppose that makes sense. Our brains are finite organs after all, constantly choosing what to retain and not to retain. I remember certain things like waking up in my crib with a stuffy nose and my mom coming in to help me breath more freely. I remember my older brother teaching me how to read and write the word "Sandy." Why "Sandy?" The musical "Grease" was my favorite, and I loved the lead character. I remember moving into the house I would grow up in and having my 5th birthday there. I remember bits and pieces of school, my teachers, things my family and I did together. It's interesting what we remember. What exists in our world and what we hang onto through life. When people are always "there" we take them for granted. We feel like they will always be there in a way that we can reach out and touch them.
That's simply not the case. I don't mean to sound morbid, but it's not. People say, "cherish your loved ones, they won't be there forever." Do we do that, really? In between laundry, cooking, being a wife, a momma, volunteering at school and church, AND careers. Are we really taking the time to cherish all of the loved ones in our lives?
What does that have to do with "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting," you ask? Great question! A few of the people who inhabit my most earliest of memories are my grandparents. My Nana, and Papaw, my dad's parents. And Grandma, and Grandpa, my mom's parents. They were all wonderful people, admirable people. They lived wonderful lives, raised their families, went on vacation, loved on their grandchildren. They were always there. As I sit here typing this, it is without them. They are gone. I can no longer call them, I can't go see them. They have passed on. I am a "grand orphan." I have memories, but some are fading. I look back at having to visit my grandparents in my twenties, and remember it being a "duty." I confess, I miss it. I miss watching as my grandpa took apart and put together a tool. I miss my grandma reading the paper and giggling at grandpa. I miss watching my Papaw watch golf on T.V. and give my Nana a hard time. I miss taking my Nana to Bingo, and sneaking chocolate milk shakes into the house when she really wasn't supposed to have them. As I look back on those times, I just want more time with them. I suppose that would be my advice. Instead of "cherish" those you love. "Spend time" with those you love. I know it's hard with life and obligation, but it's important.
Why "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting?" One of my earliest memories is going to my grandma's house after preschool. She would take care of me while my mom was working. Grandma was always so much fun. She had wonderful stories of when she was a girl, and I loved listening to her. We would play dominoes, take walks, and talk. Always at lunch time she would ask what I wanted to eat. "Peanut Butter and Jelly" please. "Again?" she would say? "You are going to turn into a "peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" When she began to slip into dementia, she always remembered that story. She loved telling it, and I loved hearing it over and over again. When I would leave her she would say, "come give me some sugar." For those of you who don't know, "sugar" is "kisses." If only we could keep those kisses stored up! Always gentle and kind. As she slipped deeper into her dementia, she changed, but the memories of my childhood will always be how I remember her.
When she passed on, my mom gave me my grandparent's dresser set. My grandparents were very frugal and budget minded people. I know that they saved up and bought those dressers with their hard earned money. I also know that they took care of them well. I remember my grandma dusting them and sometimes she would let me help. Nowadays I hate to dust. It is my least favorite chore. I've had to put myself on a "dusting" schedule so that dust bunnies won't have to start paying rent! My inherited dressers may not be the most stylish or modern. BUT when I polish them, I remember my grandma. I can hear her stories, smell her perfume, and watch her paint her nails. I simply don't want to change a single thing about them! They are mine and they are hers! They remind me of days gone by, and in those moments of reflection I am cherishing the time I was able to spend with her. I am only regretful that I didn't spend MORE time. Each time I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I wonder if I really will turn into one, and every time I dust...I smile.
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