Hi, you know what? I used to be cute. I mean REALLY cute! I used to wear quite stylish clothes and high heels. I used to do my hair, and makeup each day. I USED to even get compliments. I hate to admit it, but when I would walk down the street, construction workers would cat call. It used to disgust me when they would do that, I would think "ewwwwww SO GROSS! Don't they know I'm a human being who deserves to walk down the street without getting cat called?!?!" Nowadays when I walk down the street passed a construction site I hear crickets...or worse, if those construction workers are eating their lunch and happen to be sitting in my way, they move and say...are you ready for this? (sigh) They say, "Excuse us Ma'am." MA'AM?!?!?!?! I mean the NERVE!
The truth is, I'm a married mom of two little girls in my 40's who drives a mom van. I'm lucky if I get a shower without interruption. Going to the bathroom completely by myself is a good day! I choose sweats over skirts and gym shoes over heels. Not that I don't dress up periodically, but lets face it, doing laundry and playing outside with children while they are accidentally smearing peanut butter all over your blouse is not exactly conducive to 4 inch heels.You know what? I'm okay with it. My husband is okay with it. I could be in sweats and an old sweatshirt and he still loves me.
I know, I know, there are many of you who talk about "ME TIME." "You need some 'ME TIME' lady! You need to go out, have fun, take time out for yourself." Truth is, for me that is wrong! It's not about me anymore. I lived those days. They were great! A lot of fun and good experiences. I want to hang out with my girls and my spouse. I can take a break when the girls are at school or in bed. I will get "ME TIME" again when my girls move away and start their own families. I'll have plenty of time to recharge when that day comes. I don't want to look back and remember missing a moment in my children's lives because I was busy taking time for myself. It's not about me anymore. Often my lack of stylish clothing and shoes is because I'm busy spending my money on my kids, or investing it in my house. My priorities have changed and I own that. It works for me and I'm content and happy.
When you see me out running errands with my hair a mess, my favorite and most comfortable sweat shirt, sweat pants, and gym shoes on. Know that I'm happy this way. Maybe toss me a cat call or two. I will look at you with a heaping amount of indignation but on the inside I will be smiling.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Friday, March 18, 2016
Peanut Butter Sandwiches And Dusting, Just a Few Of My Favorite Things!
Anthropologists claim that we retain no memories from before the age of 4 or 5. I suppose that makes sense. Our brains are finite organs after all, constantly choosing what to retain and not to retain. I remember certain things like waking up in my crib with a stuffy nose and my mom coming in to help me breath more freely. I remember my older brother teaching me how to read and write the word "Sandy." Why "Sandy?" The musical "Grease" was my favorite, and I loved the lead character. I remember moving into the house I would grow up in and having my 5th birthday there. I remember bits and pieces of school, my teachers, things my family and I did together. It's interesting what we remember. What exists in our world and what we hang onto through life. When people are always "there" we take them for granted. We feel like they will always be there in a way that we can reach out and touch them.
That's simply not the case. I don't mean to sound morbid, but it's not. People say, "cherish your loved ones, they won't be there forever." Do we do that, really? In between laundry, cooking, being a wife, a momma, volunteering at school and church, AND careers. Are we really taking the time to cherish all of the loved ones in our lives?
What does that have to do with "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting," you ask? Great question! A few of the people who inhabit my most earliest of memories are my grandparents. My Nana, and Papaw, my dad's parents. And Grandma, and Grandpa, my mom's parents. They were all wonderful people, admirable people. They lived wonderful lives, raised their families, went on vacation, loved on their grandchildren. They were always there. As I sit here typing this, it is without them. They are gone. I can no longer call them, I can't go see them. They have passed on. I am a "grand orphan." I have memories, but some are fading. I look back at having to visit my grandparents in my twenties, and remember it being a "duty." I confess, I miss it. I miss watching as my grandpa took apart and put together a tool. I miss my grandma reading the paper and giggling at grandpa. I miss watching my Papaw watch golf on T.V. and give my Nana a hard time. I miss taking my Nana to Bingo, and sneaking chocolate milk shakes into the house when she really wasn't supposed to have them. As I look back on those times, I just want more time with them. I suppose that would be my advice. Instead of "cherish" those you love. "Spend time" with those you love. I know it's hard with life and obligation, but it's important.
Why "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting?" One of my earliest memories is going to my grandma's house after preschool. She would take care of me while my mom was working. Grandma was always so much fun. She had wonderful stories of when she was a girl, and I loved listening to her. We would play dominoes, take walks, and talk. Always at lunch time she would ask what I wanted to eat. "Peanut Butter and Jelly" please. "Again?" she would say? "You are going to turn into a "peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" When she began to slip into dementia, she always remembered that story. She loved telling it, and I loved hearing it over and over again. When I would leave her she would say, "come give me some sugar." For those of you who don't know, "sugar" is "kisses." If only we could keep those kisses stored up! Always gentle and kind. As she slipped deeper into her dementia, she changed, but the memories of my childhood will always be how I remember her.
When she passed on, my mom gave me my grandparent's dresser set. My grandparents were very frugal and budget minded people. I know that they saved up and bought those dressers with their hard earned money. I also know that they took care of them well. I remember my grandma dusting them and sometimes she would let me help. Nowadays I hate to dust. It is my least favorite chore. I've had to put myself on a "dusting" schedule so that dust bunnies won't have to start paying rent! My inherited dressers may not be the most stylish or modern. BUT when I polish them, I remember my grandma. I can hear her stories, smell her perfume, and watch her paint her nails. I simply don't want to change a single thing about them! They are mine and they are hers! They remind me of days gone by, and in those moments of reflection I am cherishing the time I was able to spend with her. I am only regretful that I didn't spend MORE time. Each time I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I wonder if I really will turn into one, and every time I dust...I smile.
That's simply not the case. I don't mean to sound morbid, but it's not. People say, "cherish your loved ones, they won't be there forever." Do we do that, really? In between laundry, cooking, being a wife, a momma, volunteering at school and church, AND careers. Are we really taking the time to cherish all of the loved ones in our lives?
What does that have to do with "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting," you ask? Great question! A few of the people who inhabit my most earliest of memories are my grandparents. My Nana, and Papaw, my dad's parents. And Grandma, and Grandpa, my mom's parents. They were all wonderful people, admirable people. They lived wonderful lives, raised their families, went on vacation, loved on their grandchildren. They were always there. As I sit here typing this, it is without them. They are gone. I can no longer call them, I can't go see them. They have passed on. I am a "grand orphan." I have memories, but some are fading. I look back at having to visit my grandparents in my twenties, and remember it being a "duty." I confess, I miss it. I miss watching as my grandpa took apart and put together a tool. I miss my grandma reading the paper and giggling at grandpa. I miss watching my Papaw watch golf on T.V. and give my Nana a hard time. I miss taking my Nana to Bingo, and sneaking chocolate milk shakes into the house when she really wasn't supposed to have them. As I look back on those times, I just want more time with them. I suppose that would be my advice. Instead of "cherish" those you love. "Spend time" with those you love. I know it's hard with life and obligation, but it's important.
Why "peanut butter sandwiches and dusting?" One of my earliest memories is going to my grandma's house after preschool. She would take care of me while my mom was working. Grandma was always so much fun. She had wonderful stories of when she was a girl, and I loved listening to her. We would play dominoes, take walks, and talk. Always at lunch time she would ask what I wanted to eat. "Peanut Butter and Jelly" please. "Again?" she would say? "You are going to turn into a "peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" When she began to slip into dementia, she always remembered that story. She loved telling it, and I loved hearing it over and over again. When I would leave her she would say, "come give me some sugar." For those of you who don't know, "sugar" is "kisses." If only we could keep those kisses stored up! Always gentle and kind. As she slipped deeper into her dementia, she changed, but the memories of my childhood will always be how I remember her.
When she passed on, my mom gave me my grandparent's dresser set. My grandparents were very frugal and budget minded people. I know that they saved up and bought those dressers with their hard earned money. I also know that they took care of them well. I remember my grandma dusting them and sometimes she would let me help. Nowadays I hate to dust. It is my least favorite chore. I've had to put myself on a "dusting" schedule so that dust bunnies won't have to start paying rent! My inherited dressers may not be the most stylish or modern. BUT when I polish them, I remember my grandma. I can hear her stories, smell her perfume, and watch her paint her nails. I simply don't want to change a single thing about them! They are mine and they are hers! They remind me of days gone by, and in those moments of reflection I am cherishing the time I was able to spend with her. I am only regretful that I didn't spend MORE time. Each time I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I wonder if I really will turn into one, and every time I dust...I smile.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Yes, I Am Still Here
Wow, five years!?!?! How has it been FIVE years since my last post? I am an awful, terrible, despicable blogger. I should be imprisoned and forever banned from the internet for denying my 2 followers my golden nuggets of thought and wisdom! (Hi mom). Anyway, now that THAT is finally out of the way, we can move on. What have I been doing for 1/2 a decade? Well, I've been doing life. The last time I posted I had a 2 year old and a baby. Now my baby is 5...almost 6. My 2 year old is in the second grade. Life is moving along. No more diapers (boo...that's right it makes me sad). We still have blankies, thank goodness! Our dog Oscar who I posted about is now over the rainbow bridge. Even though he was "just a dog," I miss him something terrible. Especially his ability to clean up little crumbs from my floor. Yes, in five years, life has changed...it has also stayed the same. I am here, life is good and I am blessed.
I landed my dream job of teaching voice lessons at a local arts school. I LOVE it! Yes it's work. It's challenging, but I love every second. I still get to be a stay at home mommy because my outside job is only for 15 hours a week. I actually get the best of both worlds. I have my two biological children, then I have my many students. I LOVE them! I care about their future! They are a part of the tapestry of my life. I get the extreme privilege of teaching my students an art that I am passionate about. They mostly appreciate it. I get great fulfillment from it. Perhaps as the girls get older I will expand to a collegiate level of teaching. I don't know...we'll see.
I am also singing again...like professionally, and getting paid and stuff. That's pretty great as well!
The past 5 years have been full of trials, triumphs, joy and sadness. I lost my grandma, which was hard. I will talk about that more in another entry. I'm still here...absorbing it all. Singing through life, enjoying my husband and my kids...all of them. It's an adventure as I look back on it. Some would say my life is mundane. Maybe I would even claim a mundane existence. But as I look at it through my computer screen, it really IS a great adventure.
There is more to come...
I landed my dream job of teaching voice lessons at a local arts school. I LOVE it! Yes it's work. It's challenging, but I love every second. I still get to be a stay at home mommy because my outside job is only for 15 hours a week. I actually get the best of both worlds. I have my two biological children, then I have my many students. I LOVE them! I care about their future! They are a part of the tapestry of my life. I get the extreme privilege of teaching my students an art that I am passionate about. They mostly appreciate it. I get great fulfillment from it. Perhaps as the girls get older I will expand to a collegiate level of teaching. I don't know...we'll see.
I am also singing again...like professionally, and getting paid and stuff. That's pretty great as well!
The past 5 years have been full of trials, triumphs, joy and sadness. I lost my grandma, which was hard. I will talk about that more in another entry. I'm still here...absorbing it all. Singing through life, enjoying my husband and my kids...all of them. It's an adventure as I look back on it. Some would say my life is mundane. Maybe I would even claim a mundane existence. But as I look at it through my computer screen, it really IS a great adventure.
There is more to come...
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