Okay, so I'm probably going to get in trouble for this post. That's okay. You are welcome to leave me a comment about how wrong I am, I'm tough, I can take it. Or if you don't like it just scroll on passed and don't read it. It's amazing how that works these days! Am I right?
Anyway, the other day when I was shuttling my kids around. My 5YO said something that startled me. Okay back up a bit. I have to admit...I was complaining a bit under my breath about something their father forgot to do. I don't remember what it was that he forgot, so I guess it wasn't super important. However in my mind, it must have been at the time, (not really). Anyway, what startled me is when my 5YO said, "Yeah momma! Daddy doesn't DO anything! All he does is mow the lawn, and THAT'S ALL! YOU do everything else!!!" This statement from her broke my heart. Why? Because she is getting that idea from me! I mean who else is giving her thoughts like that!? There is no self righteous stay at home mommy fairy whispering in her ear after all!
Here is the part I'm going to get in trouble for. As stay at home parents, we tend to get a little sanctimonious don't we? I mean lets admit it! I read articles upon articles about how hard it is to be a stay at home parent. Matter of fact an article I just finished reading centered on the idea of how a messy and chaotic house is perfectly okay for the stay at home parent. You know, because we are so busy! Well, I'm crying foul! I'm crying foul on that idea as well as the idea of our spouses having it so easy since they work outside the house!
Now come on, lets be real here. BOTH jobs are hard. But do you know what's hard? When you work 8 to 10 hours a day outside the home. Your performance decides whether you can make your house payment, car payment, buy clothes, gas, groceries and all of the other necessities for your family. You may even work in a place that is hot year around so you are sweating all day. And your job may be physically hard leading to hurt and sore muscles. Also, you have to deal with adult style politics in the work place. THEN after working your 8 to 10 hour shift you come home to a messy house, messy and screaming children. You come home to a spouse who is complaining about how hard their day was. All you want to do is get a moment to yourself to wind down! But you can't because there is a huge pile of laundry on your bed, or on the couch, and you step on a stray lego on your way there. To top it all off your spouse has a list of things ready to go for you to help out with around the house.
In my humble opinion, that's not even a fair scenario. Yet stay at home parents are writing articles and blogs trumpeting about how hard it all is! How everyone looks down on us! And how people including our work outside the home spouses need to just get OVER it! Our jobs are HARD! HARD! HARD!
Well, you know what?!?! As stay at home parents WE need to get over ourselves! When our work outside the home spouses get home, we need to make it part of our job to provide a soothing environment for them. It's okay to ask for equal rights, but extra rights in this marriage partnership? Don't even pretend it's okay.
Back to my 5YO. I explained to her about how her daddy contributes each day to our family, and how we need to appreciate it. Daddy works hard for us to make sure we have everything we need and many things we want. I stressed how what daddy does is incredibly important and worthwhile. I also learned that I need to be more positive in front of the children even when I'm frustrated. It's my job to make sure they know that their daddy works very hard outside and inside our home.
I also need to give credit to my husband more often! He works hard at a very stressful job, yet his girls never see his frustration! Yes! He deserves a quiet, clean, peaceful environment to relax in for a bit before he spends time with his girls. So you know what? I'm going to go fold and put away that load of laundry I just dumped on the bed. I'm also going to check the floor for stray legos. Then I'm going to wipe my children's faces, get dinner started, and pick up a bit. Daddy will be home in about 20 minutes.
P.S. If you are a stay at home parent who is overwhelmed and living in chaos, I can direct you to some great tools to help! Just let me know :-)
Showing posts with label stay at home mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stay at home mom. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Friday, March 11, 2016
Yes, I Am Still Here
Wow, five years!?!?! How has it been FIVE years since my last post? I am an awful, terrible, despicable blogger. I should be imprisoned and forever banned from the internet for denying my 2 followers my golden nuggets of thought and wisdom! (Hi mom). Anyway, now that THAT is finally out of the way, we can move on. What have I been doing for 1/2 a decade? Well, I've been doing life. The last time I posted I had a 2 year old and a baby. Now my baby is 5...almost 6. My 2 year old is in the second grade. Life is moving along. No more diapers (boo...that's right it makes me sad). We still have blankies, thank goodness! Our dog Oscar who I posted about is now over the rainbow bridge. Even though he was "just a dog," I miss him something terrible. Especially his ability to clean up little crumbs from my floor. Yes, in five years, life has changed...it has also stayed the same. I am here, life is good and I am blessed.
I landed my dream job of teaching voice lessons at a local arts school. I LOVE it! Yes it's work. It's challenging, but I love every second. I still get to be a stay at home mommy because my outside job is only for 15 hours a week. I actually get the best of both worlds. I have my two biological children, then I have my many students. I LOVE them! I care about their future! They are a part of the tapestry of my life. I get the extreme privilege of teaching my students an art that I am passionate about. They mostly appreciate it. I get great fulfillment from it. Perhaps as the girls get older I will expand to a collegiate level of teaching. I don't know...we'll see.
I am also singing again...like professionally, and getting paid and stuff. That's pretty great as well!
The past 5 years have been full of trials, triumphs, joy and sadness. I lost my grandma, which was hard. I will talk about that more in another entry. I'm still here...absorbing it all. Singing through life, enjoying my husband and my kids...all of them. It's an adventure as I look back on it. Some would say my life is mundane. Maybe I would even claim a mundane existence. But as I look at it through my computer screen, it really IS a great adventure.
There is more to come...
I landed my dream job of teaching voice lessons at a local arts school. I LOVE it! Yes it's work. It's challenging, but I love every second. I still get to be a stay at home mommy because my outside job is only for 15 hours a week. I actually get the best of both worlds. I have my two biological children, then I have my many students. I LOVE them! I care about their future! They are a part of the tapestry of my life. I get the extreme privilege of teaching my students an art that I am passionate about. They mostly appreciate it. I get great fulfillment from it. Perhaps as the girls get older I will expand to a collegiate level of teaching. I don't know...we'll see.
I am also singing again...like professionally, and getting paid and stuff. That's pretty great as well!
The past 5 years have been full of trials, triumphs, joy and sadness. I lost my grandma, which was hard. I will talk about that more in another entry. I'm still here...absorbing it all. Singing through life, enjoying my husband and my kids...all of them. It's an adventure as I look back on it. Some would say my life is mundane. Maybe I would even claim a mundane existence. But as I look at it through my computer screen, it really IS a great adventure.
There is more to come...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Toto, I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore
Let me start out by saying I never thought I would be where I am in life right now. Often I wonder, how did I get here? I've never been one to make plans, no, it's not in my personality to be a planner. I always sort of "fall" into things. While this allows for a laid back, and "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of personality, it also lacks focus. I have always admired people who know exactly what they want to do. They set up goals to reach their final goal, and they do it, they make it! I have never really "known" who I was as an individual. As a child I dreamed of being famous...but that's not a career goal is it? I guess these days it is with reality t.v. and all, but that's a topic for another entry. Unlike most children, I never dreamed of being a firefighter, a teacher, a nurse, or doctor. I just wanted to be famous. Again, not a focused career track.
I graduated high school..of course, then I went to college. Why? because that's what you are "supposed to do." I loved college. For a social butterfly, college is a dream. I ended up studying music education. I loved music, I had a decent voice, but I was not an outstanding musician. Also, I discovered that there was only one required math class with this degree...so why not? I stuck with it and eventually graduated. After I graduated I landed a job in my degree field. At the time, I could not fathom how fortunate I was, because I hated it! I don't think I hated my job...I just hated adult responsibility. I worked for a year, then quit my job to go to graduate school. Why? because I had a new focus...I was going to be a famous Opera singer. I mean...that's not hard is it? Well I tried, and I was focused probably for the first time in my life. I had talent, and was doing well, meeting people, networking...etc. I graduated from grad school, and started my new life with focus. Sadly, I either wasn't driven enough, or perhaps not rich enough. You see, I had to work to begin to pay off my "journey" to this point. Not to mention, plane fair, opera training programs, lessons, coachings, head shots...etc. It's expensive to be famous and special doggonit!!!!
During this time in my life I was working as a substitute to support my opera habit, auditioning, and planning to move to New York City. I had moved back in with my parents in order to save money to make my big move. Please understand, I never thought I would be back in my home town. When I moved away from home, I honestly never thought I would permanently be back in the very town I grew up. I always imagined showing up to my 20th high school reunion in my big stretch limo. I imagined coming back a success, famous, someone special.
As young single people tend to do, I began dating. One of those people I dated was my husband...er a man, who would later become my husband. and guess where he was from? You guessed it, right here in my home town! When we married, I didn't give up on my opera career right away, my husband was very supportive actually. We tried for awhile, but nothing was happening. I never got a break, or a role that I could justify spending all of the money I was spending for. I guess I gave up gradually, over time. I simply let it fade into the background of my newly settled life. I landed a church staff job at my home church, and was content. I loved my job, and found it quite fulfilling. What surprised me the most is that I found the most joy in the mundane. The work that happens behind the scenes. I still enjoyed singing solos, etc...but I loved the mechanics of putting a service together! Again, you can see how I just tend to "fall" into things.
Well, then it happened. I woke up one morning feeling "strange." My abdomen was tight, and I had chronic mild nausea. UH OH! Yep, you guessed it...preggers! At first I was filled with emotions that I never knew existed. Fear, anxiety, then it hit me...sadness. Yes I will admit it...sadness. I knew at that very moment, that an opera career was just not in the cards for me. Not that I was any closer to my goal before I got pregnant, but I guess it was a mindset thing...symbolic if you will. I was never going to be the person I was before that pregnancy test came back positive...this was a huge change, NO going back. I guess I still entertained some thoughts of singing for a living still. This was the most concrete "sign" that days of living for myself were officially over.
After a wonderful and easy pregnancy, our first precious treasure was born. I knew when I looked into her face for the first time that this is where I was supposed to be! Who would have guessed that I would have found such fulfillment in being a mommy! For the first time in my life, I had found focus. I knew that I had found clear purpose. When our daughter turned one, my husband and I began to discuss the possibility of me resigning my church job, and becoming a stay at home mom. What?!?!?! I didn't want to quit and not work! I have always worked, and in general enjoyed working! I'm a social butterfly, so I love the social aspects of working. Plus my fear was (and is) if I decide to return to work, how do I explain this huge hole in my work history? After many months of talking, praying, praying, and talking, I tendered my resignation. No more deadlines, no more lunches out with my husband, or co-workers. I was officially where I never thought I would be. A stay at home mom...or "sahm" as we say in the "industry."
As I said previously, I did not come to this decision lightly at all. Please understand, I was content being single, then I was content just being married. For me, before my first baby was born, it was like I was walking through my life, and it was good, but it was black and white. I never knew there was anything wrong with black and white, because black and white was fine. Then having a child, I was thrust into a technicolor world. Just like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz." Things became clearer. And what was clear to me at the time, was staying at home and being a mom was the best thing...not for me, but for our little girl. This is the sacrifice I am making right now, for my little ones, and I know it's right. A month after I resigned my position I became pregnant with our second precious treasure. She was born about three weeks before our first daughter's second birthday.
Sometimes I wonder about another path I could have taken, and where I would be right now. I imagine I would be in my loft on the upper east side of NYC. It would be completely decorated with Ikea furniture and accessories. I would be having posh dinner parties with all of my cast mates of the current opera I was starring in. Picnics in central park, coffee at my local coffee shop, friendly banter with my doorman. It sounds dreamy doesn't it? Sadly that path does not include my two most precious treasures, so those dreams and thoughts are fleeting flights of fancy. I may not always know what day it is, I may not be a household name, I may not be anything special. I am just an average mommy, and no one will ever remember me except for my children and grandchildren. I suppose I am happier being a mommy in a technicolor world, rather than someone special in a black and white world.
I graduated high school..of course, then I went to college. Why? because that's what you are "supposed to do." I loved college. For a social butterfly, college is a dream. I ended up studying music education. I loved music, I had a decent voice, but I was not an outstanding musician. Also, I discovered that there was only one required math class with this degree...so why not? I stuck with it and eventually graduated. After I graduated I landed a job in my degree field. At the time, I could not fathom how fortunate I was, because I hated it! I don't think I hated my job...I just hated adult responsibility. I worked for a year, then quit my job to go to graduate school. Why? because I had a new focus...I was going to be a famous Opera singer. I mean...that's not hard is it? Well I tried, and I was focused probably for the first time in my life. I had talent, and was doing well, meeting people, networking...etc. I graduated from grad school, and started my new life with focus. Sadly, I either wasn't driven enough, or perhaps not rich enough. You see, I had to work to begin to pay off my "journey" to this point. Not to mention, plane fair, opera training programs, lessons, coachings, head shots...etc. It's expensive to be famous and special doggonit!!!!
During this time in my life I was working as a substitute to support my opera habit, auditioning, and planning to move to New York City. I had moved back in with my parents in order to save money to make my big move. Please understand, I never thought I would be back in my home town. When I moved away from home, I honestly never thought I would permanently be back in the very town I grew up. I always imagined showing up to my 20th high school reunion in my big stretch limo. I imagined coming back a success, famous, someone special.
As young single people tend to do, I began dating. One of those people I dated was my husband...er a man, who would later become my husband. and guess where he was from? You guessed it, right here in my home town! When we married, I didn't give up on my opera career right away, my husband was very supportive actually. We tried for awhile, but nothing was happening. I never got a break, or a role that I could justify spending all of the money I was spending for. I guess I gave up gradually, over time. I simply let it fade into the background of my newly settled life. I landed a church staff job at my home church, and was content. I loved my job, and found it quite fulfilling. What surprised me the most is that I found the most joy in the mundane. The work that happens behind the scenes. I still enjoyed singing solos, etc...but I loved the mechanics of putting a service together! Again, you can see how I just tend to "fall" into things.
Well, then it happened. I woke up one morning feeling "strange." My abdomen was tight, and I had chronic mild nausea. UH OH! Yep, you guessed it...preggers! At first I was filled with emotions that I never knew existed. Fear, anxiety, then it hit me...sadness. Yes I will admit it...sadness. I knew at that very moment, that an opera career was just not in the cards for me. Not that I was any closer to my goal before I got pregnant, but I guess it was a mindset thing...symbolic if you will. I was never going to be the person I was before that pregnancy test came back positive...this was a huge change, NO going back. I guess I still entertained some thoughts of singing for a living still. This was the most concrete "sign" that days of living for myself were officially over.
After a wonderful and easy pregnancy, our first precious treasure was born. I knew when I looked into her face for the first time that this is where I was supposed to be! Who would have guessed that I would have found such fulfillment in being a mommy! For the first time in my life, I had found focus. I knew that I had found clear purpose. When our daughter turned one, my husband and I began to discuss the possibility of me resigning my church job, and becoming a stay at home mom. What?!?!?! I didn't want to quit and not work! I have always worked, and in general enjoyed working! I'm a social butterfly, so I love the social aspects of working. Plus my fear was (and is) if I decide to return to work, how do I explain this huge hole in my work history? After many months of talking, praying, praying, and talking, I tendered my resignation. No more deadlines, no more lunches out with my husband, or co-workers. I was officially where I never thought I would be. A stay at home mom...or "sahm" as we say in the "industry."
As I said previously, I did not come to this decision lightly at all. Please understand, I was content being single, then I was content just being married. For me, before my first baby was born, it was like I was walking through my life, and it was good, but it was black and white. I never knew there was anything wrong with black and white, because black and white was fine. Then having a child, I was thrust into a technicolor world. Just like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz." Things became clearer. And what was clear to me at the time, was staying at home and being a mom was the best thing...not for me, but for our little girl. This is the sacrifice I am making right now, for my little ones, and I know it's right. A month after I resigned my position I became pregnant with our second precious treasure. She was born about three weeks before our first daughter's second birthday.
Sometimes I wonder about another path I could have taken, and where I would be right now. I imagine I would be in my loft on the upper east side of NYC. It would be completely decorated with Ikea furniture and accessories. I would be having posh dinner parties with all of my cast mates of the current opera I was starring in. Picnics in central park, coffee at my local coffee shop, friendly banter with my doorman. It sounds dreamy doesn't it? Sadly that path does not include my two most precious treasures, so those dreams and thoughts are fleeting flights of fancy. I may not always know what day it is, I may not be a household name, I may not be anything special. I am just an average mommy, and no one will ever remember me except for my children and grandchildren. I suppose I am happier being a mommy in a technicolor world, rather than someone special in a black and white world.
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