I love animals. I have always been a huge animal lover! I grew up with dogs, and as a result they are my favorite pet. My husband and I were married a year when we adopted our dog Oscar. He’s a mutt… and really a very good dog. He’s friendly and good with the kids. We used to cuddle with him, pet him. He was the sole recipient of our attention. When we would go on trips we would routinely take him with us. If we stayed at a hotel, it had to be an animal friendly hotel, or they would NOT get our business! He was our “baby,” after all!
I say “baby,” because well….things have changed. When I became pregnant with my first precious treasure, my mom said, “Now that dog will be just a dog.” I didn’t believe her, of course. Even though I had other people, including my two sisters-in-law tell me the exact same thing, I still didn’t believe this could ever happen. In my smugness, I thought, “how could you?!?!” I could never imagine a scenario where my Oscar would be “just a dog.” I knew that things would not be the same, but “just a dog?” NEVER!
Then it happened, my first daughter was born. Yes, you guessed it…and Oscar became “just a dog.” Not only is he now “just a dog,” but he is, I hate to say it…a nuisance. I know, you animal lovers are out there thinking, “Did she just call her dog a nuisance? What a horrible person!” Before you call PETA, let me explain…I still love my dog. I think he’s sweet, he’s a really great dog overall. BUT that’s it! That’s where it ends! He doesn’t go on trips with us anymore, and he doesn’t get all of our attention anymore. Matter of fact, he gets the bare minimum of our attention. We’ve got children now for goodness sakes! Honestly, these days he’s just another thing I have to take care of!
He also makes my job of being a stay at home mom a little more difficult. How would you feel if you had just worked to get your baby to sleep, and the dog barks at the mailman and wakes her up? And let’s not even talk about the shedding hair all over my house. I literally have to vacuum every other day, JUST to keep up with the dog hair! He’s also under my feet constantly, when I’m making dinner, cleaning house, or carrying a baby down the stairs! It’s downright annoying!
Although Oscar’s stock has gone down considerably since our babies were born, his life is not all that terrible. He greatly enjoys when my 2 year old eats popcorn. He follows behind her like…well…a dog. Now that my 10 month old is starting with finger foods, he’s in doggy heaven! He’s also kind of a loner. We never knew before, because we always showered him with attention. He kind of prefers to be on his own. He’s also, my baby monitor. If something is wrong with one of the girls, he always comes and gets me. He stares at me with those big brown puppy dog eyes, as if to say, “Hurry up human, one of the little ones is crying!” Now if only he would stop barking and shedding, I would be in mommy heaven!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Hello?!?! Can Anyone Hear Me?
I suppose politically, I lean a bit to the right. Okay...okay, I admit in most things I lean a lot to the right. But believe it or not, in a few things I bend a little tiny bit to the left. Despite my political leanings I would consider myself an open minded individual. By "open minded" I mean that I'm at least willing to listen and consider the opposing view. I try to wait to form my conclusions until I have considered both sides of an argument.
I think what bothers me these days is that it seems no one on either side is listening to each other. Both sides do a lot of talking, they obviously hear each other, but are they LISTENING? In my life experience, I have learned that wisdom and truth can be gleaned from both sides of an argument. So, why don’t we listen to each other?! It seems that we can’t be friends if we fall on the wrong side of “the aisle.” I find this notion ridiculous! If I disagree with someone on an issue, or candidate, does this mean we can’t be friends? Call me idealistic, but I feel that we are all more alike then different. We are daughters, sons, moms, dads, sisters, and brothers. As passionate as I feel about something, and how right I believe I am; frankly a person who has a differing opinion is just as passionate, and believes firmly that they are right. Isn't it worth something to find common ground with the opposition? Are we going to get anything solved by forming our retort, while the other side is making their case?
Here is my point: We need to see each other as fellow human beings first. We all have opinions, and each opinion is worth listening too, even if we can never change each other’s minds. At least consider the other person’s viewpoint, and entertain the thought that you may be wrong. Debate issues respectfully without being insulting. Isn’t that what we all deserve? Even if you disagree with me, I just want to be heard. Truly hearing each other, listening, and having respectful debates is really the only way we will ever be able to move our country forward. I’m sure we can all agree on that!
I think what bothers me these days is that it seems no one on either side is listening to each other. Both sides do a lot of talking, they obviously hear each other, but are they LISTENING? In my life experience, I have learned that wisdom and truth can be gleaned from both sides of an argument. So, why don’t we listen to each other?! It seems that we can’t be friends if we fall on the wrong side of “the aisle.” I find this notion ridiculous! If I disagree with someone on an issue, or candidate, does this mean we can’t be friends? Call me idealistic, but I feel that we are all more alike then different. We are daughters, sons, moms, dads, sisters, and brothers. As passionate as I feel about something, and how right I believe I am; frankly a person who has a differing opinion is just as passionate, and believes firmly that they are right. Isn't it worth something to find common ground with the opposition? Are we going to get anything solved by forming our retort, while the other side is making their case?
Here is my point: We need to see each other as fellow human beings first. We all have opinions, and each opinion is worth listening too, even if we can never change each other’s minds. At least consider the other person’s viewpoint, and entertain the thought that you may be wrong. Debate issues respectfully without being insulting. Isn’t that what we all deserve? Even if you disagree with me, I just want to be heard. Truly hearing each other, listening, and having respectful debates is really the only way we will ever be able to move our country forward. I’m sure we can all agree on that!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Toto, I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore
Let me start out by saying I never thought I would be where I am in life right now. Often I wonder, how did I get here? I've never been one to make plans, no, it's not in my personality to be a planner. I always sort of "fall" into things. While this allows for a laid back, and "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of personality, it also lacks focus. I have always admired people who know exactly what they want to do. They set up goals to reach their final goal, and they do it, they make it! I have never really "known" who I was as an individual. As a child I dreamed of being famous...but that's not a career goal is it? I guess these days it is with reality t.v. and all, but that's a topic for another entry. Unlike most children, I never dreamed of being a firefighter, a teacher, a nurse, or doctor. I just wanted to be famous. Again, not a focused career track.
I graduated high school..of course, then I went to college. Why? because that's what you are "supposed to do." I loved college. For a social butterfly, college is a dream. I ended up studying music education. I loved music, I had a decent voice, but I was not an outstanding musician. Also, I discovered that there was only one required math class with this degree...so why not? I stuck with it and eventually graduated. After I graduated I landed a job in my degree field. At the time, I could not fathom how fortunate I was, because I hated it! I don't think I hated my job...I just hated adult responsibility. I worked for a year, then quit my job to go to graduate school. Why? because I had a new focus...I was going to be a famous Opera singer. I mean...that's not hard is it? Well I tried, and I was focused probably for the first time in my life. I had talent, and was doing well, meeting people, networking...etc. I graduated from grad school, and started my new life with focus. Sadly, I either wasn't driven enough, or perhaps not rich enough. You see, I had to work to begin to pay off my "journey" to this point. Not to mention, plane fair, opera training programs, lessons, coachings, head shots...etc. It's expensive to be famous and special doggonit!!!!
During this time in my life I was working as a substitute to support my opera habit, auditioning, and planning to move to New York City. I had moved back in with my parents in order to save money to make my big move. Please understand, I never thought I would be back in my home town. When I moved away from home, I honestly never thought I would permanently be back in the very town I grew up. I always imagined showing up to my 20th high school reunion in my big stretch limo. I imagined coming back a success, famous, someone special.
As young single people tend to do, I began dating. One of those people I dated was my husband...er a man, who would later become my husband. and guess where he was from? You guessed it, right here in my home town! When we married, I didn't give up on my opera career right away, my husband was very supportive actually. We tried for awhile, but nothing was happening. I never got a break, or a role that I could justify spending all of the money I was spending for. I guess I gave up gradually, over time. I simply let it fade into the background of my newly settled life. I landed a church staff job at my home church, and was content. I loved my job, and found it quite fulfilling. What surprised me the most is that I found the most joy in the mundane. The work that happens behind the scenes. I still enjoyed singing solos, etc...but I loved the mechanics of putting a service together! Again, you can see how I just tend to "fall" into things.
Well, then it happened. I woke up one morning feeling "strange." My abdomen was tight, and I had chronic mild nausea. UH OH! Yep, you guessed it...preggers! At first I was filled with emotions that I never knew existed. Fear, anxiety, then it hit me...sadness. Yes I will admit it...sadness. I knew at that very moment, that an opera career was just not in the cards for me. Not that I was any closer to my goal before I got pregnant, but I guess it was a mindset thing...symbolic if you will. I was never going to be the person I was before that pregnancy test came back positive...this was a huge change, NO going back. I guess I still entertained some thoughts of singing for a living still. This was the most concrete "sign" that days of living for myself were officially over.
After a wonderful and easy pregnancy, our first precious treasure was born. I knew when I looked into her face for the first time that this is where I was supposed to be! Who would have guessed that I would have found such fulfillment in being a mommy! For the first time in my life, I had found focus. I knew that I had found clear purpose. When our daughter turned one, my husband and I began to discuss the possibility of me resigning my church job, and becoming a stay at home mom. What?!?!?! I didn't want to quit and not work! I have always worked, and in general enjoyed working! I'm a social butterfly, so I love the social aspects of working. Plus my fear was (and is) if I decide to return to work, how do I explain this huge hole in my work history? After many months of talking, praying, praying, and talking, I tendered my resignation. No more deadlines, no more lunches out with my husband, or co-workers. I was officially where I never thought I would be. A stay at home mom...or "sahm" as we say in the "industry."
As I said previously, I did not come to this decision lightly at all. Please understand, I was content being single, then I was content just being married. For me, before my first baby was born, it was like I was walking through my life, and it was good, but it was black and white. I never knew there was anything wrong with black and white, because black and white was fine. Then having a child, I was thrust into a technicolor world. Just like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz." Things became clearer. And what was clear to me at the time, was staying at home and being a mom was the best thing...not for me, but for our little girl. This is the sacrifice I am making right now, for my little ones, and I know it's right. A month after I resigned my position I became pregnant with our second precious treasure. She was born about three weeks before our first daughter's second birthday.
Sometimes I wonder about another path I could have taken, and where I would be right now. I imagine I would be in my loft on the upper east side of NYC. It would be completely decorated with Ikea furniture and accessories. I would be having posh dinner parties with all of my cast mates of the current opera I was starring in. Picnics in central park, coffee at my local coffee shop, friendly banter with my doorman. It sounds dreamy doesn't it? Sadly that path does not include my two most precious treasures, so those dreams and thoughts are fleeting flights of fancy. I may not always know what day it is, I may not be a household name, I may not be anything special. I am just an average mommy, and no one will ever remember me except for my children and grandchildren. I suppose I am happier being a mommy in a technicolor world, rather than someone special in a black and white world.
I graduated high school..of course, then I went to college. Why? because that's what you are "supposed to do." I loved college. For a social butterfly, college is a dream. I ended up studying music education. I loved music, I had a decent voice, but I was not an outstanding musician. Also, I discovered that there was only one required math class with this degree...so why not? I stuck with it and eventually graduated. After I graduated I landed a job in my degree field. At the time, I could not fathom how fortunate I was, because I hated it! I don't think I hated my job...I just hated adult responsibility. I worked for a year, then quit my job to go to graduate school. Why? because I had a new focus...I was going to be a famous Opera singer. I mean...that's not hard is it? Well I tried, and I was focused probably for the first time in my life. I had talent, and was doing well, meeting people, networking...etc. I graduated from grad school, and started my new life with focus. Sadly, I either wasn't driven enough, or perhaps not rich enough. You see, I had to work to begin to pay off my "journey" to this point. Not to mention, plane fair, opera training programs, lessons, coachings, head shots...etc. It's expensive to be famous and special doggonit!!!!
During this time in my life I was working as a substitute to support my opera habit, auditioning, and planning to move to New York City. I had moved back in with my parents in order to save money to make my big move. Please understand, I never thought I would be back in my home town. When I moved away from home, I honestly never thought I would permanently be back in the very town I grew up. I always imagined showing up to my 20th high school reunion in my big stretch limo. I imagined coming back a success, famous, someone special.
As young single people tend to do, I began dating. One of those people I dated was my husband...er a man, who would later become my husband. and guess where he was from? You guessed it, right here in my home town! When we married, I didn't give up on my opera career right away, my husband was very supportive actually. We tried for awhile, but nothing was happening. I never got a break, or a role that I could justify spending all of the money I was spending for. I guess I gave up gradually, over time. I simply let it fade into the background of my newly settled life. I landed a church staff job at my home church, and was content. I loved my job, and found it quite fulfilling. What surprised me the most is that I found the most joy in the mundane. The work that happens behind the scenes. I still enjoyed singing solos, etc...but I loved the mechanics of putting a service together! Again, you can see how I just tend to "fall" into things.
Well, then it happened. I woke up one morning feeling "strange." My abdomen was tight, and I had chronic mild nausea. UH OH! Yep, you guessed it...preggers! At first I was filled with emotions that I never knew existed. Fear, anxiety, then it hit me...sadness. Yes I will admit it...sadness. I knew at that very moment, that an opera career was just not in the cards for me. Not that I was any closer to my goal before I got pregnant, but I guess it was a mindset thing...symbolic if you will. I was never going to be the person I was before that pregnancy test came back positive...this was a huge change, NO going back. I guess I still entertained some thoughts of singing for a living still. This was the most concrete "sign" that days of living for myself were officially over.
After a wonderful and easy pregnancy, our first precious treasure was born. I knew when I looked into her face for the first time that this is where I was supposed to be! Who would have guessed that I would have found such fulfillment in being a mommy! For the first time in my life, I had found focus. I knew that I had found clear purpose. When our daughter turned one, my husband and I began to discuss the possibility of me resigning my church job, and becoming a stay at home mom. What?!?!?! I didn't want to quit and not work! I have always worked, and in general enjoyed working! I'm a social butterfly, so I love the social aspects of working. Plus my fear was (and is) if I decide to return to work, how do I explain this huge hole in my work history? After many months of talking, praying, praying, and talking, I tendered my resignation. No more deadlines, no more lunches out with my husband, or co-workers. I was officially where I never thought I would be. A stay at home mom...or "sahm" as we say in the "industry."
As I said previously, I did not come to this decision lightly at all. Please understand, I was content being single, then I was content just being married. For me, before my first baby was born, it was like I was walking through my life, and it was good, but it was black and white. I never knew there was anything wrong with black and white, because black and white was fine. Then having a child, I was thrust into a technicolor world. Just like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz." Things became clearer. And what was clear to me at the time, was staying at home and being a mom was the best thing...not for me, but for our little girl. This is the sacrifice I am making right now, for my little ones, and I know it's right. A month after I resigned my position I became pregnant with our second precious treasure. She was born about three weeks before our first daughter's second birthday.
Sometimes I wonder about another path I could have taken, and where I would be right now. I imagine I would be in my loft on the upper east side of NYC. It would be completely decorated with Ikea furniture and accessories. I would be having posh dinner parties with all of my cast mates of the current opera I was starring in. Picnics in central park, coffee at my local coffee shop, friendly banter with my doorman. It sounds dreamy doesn't it? Sadly that path does not include my two most precious treasures, so those dreams and thoughts are fleeting flights of fancy. I may not always know what day it is, I may not be a household name, I may not be anything special. I am just an average mommy, and no one will ever remember me except for my children and grandchildren. I suppose I am happier being a mommy in a technicolor world, rather than someone special in a black and white world.
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